Party Favors

In preparation for my company’s annual Christmas Party this Saturday night, I decided to Google proper office party etiquette. You see, I always get the “morning after” weird feeling so my thought was that this year; I’d be more prepared and perhaps implement a few preventative measures to avoid the Sunday self torture. With my search, I discovered a lot of useful information on the Do’s and the Don’ts… dressing appropriately, what not to say, avoiding excessive drinking, talking to those sitting alone, interacting with senior management, yada, yada, yada…

Exhausting and boring, quite frankly.

Bottom line; do I really need help with the Do’s and Don’ts of proper company party behavior or does my tenure with my company, qualify me to be an expert? I agree, so here are a few tips that I have learned that will make your (my?) evening more enjoyable and can possibly advance your career!

1. Do demand to be kissed claiming some object is mistletoe
2. Do offer a Mormon a glass of wine
3. Do offer to donate a urine sample to prove you are drug free
4. Do wear high heels  even if you don’t wear them the other 364 days out of the year
5. Do hog the karaoke and belt out “Like a Virgin”
6. Do wear provocative clothing
7. Do wear, in lieu of above, a Christmas tree sweater adorned with sparkly things
8. Do hook-up with a co-worker
9. Do bring a controversial date
10. Do bitch about your boss (She won’t find out!)
11. Do take a souvenir from the hotel walls
12. Do vomit in front of others

Monday. Water Cooler. Conversation. Sweet.